Changing Echoes
by firstdown
Summary: A 'Night' episode addition. What if Kathryn, not Tuvok, had found Harry playing his clarinet on the bridge?


Sleepless nights, restless days – Kathryn Janeway was sick of it. There weren't even any stars to wish on, not that she was one for such childish things, but she found herself wishing for the stars. Enemy fire, demon class planets, gigantic space fairing aliens masquerading as nebulas – anything to put in a log entry. Anything to take her mind off of everything she had done over the last four years….

They were entering their fifth in this godforsaken quadrant and all Kathryn could think was that it was her fault. Over one hundred and fifty lives were on her shoulders, some of them already dead weight. She stood now, staring out the black windows of her quarters, and Kathryn felt she knew that darkness more intimately than anyone.

There were no reasons to stay awake, but there were also no reasons to sleep. It was frustrating to know that even if she could sleep, she'd have to sleep for twelve hours, at least, before anything would change. And even then it would only be a different day, filled with more of the same. She would wake up, still in her life, alone in the dark.

Kathryn sighed and turned away, reaching for her uniform jacket and shrugging it on over her grey tee. She left it open and stepped out of her dimly lit quarters to the quiet corridors. It was ships night, being nearly 0200 hours, and it had been far too long since she'd ventured out of her rooms. She was torn between hoping she wouldn't meet anyone and hoping to find some company.

Another sigh as she entered the turbolift and shook her head. After a moment of decision, she spoke quietly, "Bridge." As the 'lift slid into action, she thought to herself, _Maybe Chakotay was right…_.

--

Harry Kim stared at the bridge viewscreen. He wasn't sure why – the view still hadn't changed. It looked like a painting of sorrow.

He reclined in the captain's chair, pulling his legs up and over to drape across the closed command console, and adjusted the reed in his clarinet. Except for the humming of consoles, the bridge was quiet. A few days ago, Chakotay had decided to schedule only one bridge officer for the late night shifts. Harry didn't much mind being alone, at least not yet, and he had brought his clarinet along for a little practice during the past two nights of his bridge duty.

Licking his lips and flattening his chin, he moved the instrument up to his mouth and began to play, fingers moving gently on the keys. As boring as this area of space was, Harry had still somehow been inspired by it and began composing this new piece.

Each strand of notes led into and played off of another. He was pleased so far with the melody and overall tone of his composition but it still seemed to need something more. Closing his eyes, Harry tried to inject a little more feeling into his playing and after a minute or two, was surprised to hear the turbolift doors hiss open behind him.

--

There was music playing on the bridge. Kathryn was momentarily surprised when the doors slid open and she could see no crewmembers at any of the stations. Her sudden feeling of abandonment quickly dissipated as her eyes settled on her command chair and the back of Harry's dark head.

For his part, Harry was also surprised, not expecting a replacement for another four hours, at least. He spun around and then quickly jumped to his feet when he saw who had arrived on the bridge.

"Captain! I – "

"At ease, Ensign," Kathryn spoke softly and with a small smile as she stepped to the railing of the upper level. The young man hesitated, suddenly unsure of what to do with himself. "Please, Harry," she gestured towards her chair as she moved down the steps to the command deck. "Sit."

Walking past him, she sat in Chakotay's chair and Harry slowly sank down to sit on the edge of her own. She knew her behavior must seem odd to him but for the moment at least, she wanted to drop as much of her rank as she could.

Twisting in her seat to face him, Kathryn saw that Harry was looking at her with a mixture of expectation and nervousness. She gave him another gentle smile and said, "I wasn't kidding when I said 'at ease,' Harry. I'm just out for a little stroll and I'm glad to see the bridge is in good hands." She reached over and gave him a quick pat on the arm and he smiled sheepishly in return.

"It's good to see you, Captain," Harry relaxed just slightly and glanced around. "I guess I hadn't realized how lonely it is up here until you came in. I…appreciate the company." He ducked his head briefly and then met her eyes, still smiling.

"Yes," she nodded, speaking softly, as if she didn't trust her own voice. "I'll admit I was feeling a little lonely myself…." Her voice trailed off then and she turned her head to look at the viewscreen, leaning forward slightly and resting her elbows on her knees. "Harry…what do you see out there?"

He was momentarily taken aback by the question but followed her gaze out to the view that still hadn't changed. "Actually, I was just thinking that…it looks like a painting of sorrow," he paused and tilted his head to the side. "It's like a face without a heart…or beauty without truth – " he stopped abruptly as he realized he probably wasn't making any sense.

Kathryn had turned to stare at him again. Her eyebrows were raised just slightly and he knew she understood what he had said; he could see a very similar kind of sorrow reflected in her grey blue eyes. A hint of moisture began to appear in them and she quickly blinked it away.

"Captain – "

"I'm sorry, Harry."

They had both spoken at the same time and now went silent again, simply staring at each other for a moment. Harry wanted to say something but he couldn't begin to imagine what she was feeling. He couldn't even hug her and all he could think was that she looked like she needed at least that much right now. He was glad she had come out of her self-imposed isolation but he wasn't quite sure why she had ended up here, talking to him. It seemed like Chakotay would be a more logical choice. He felt the commander at least would know what to say.

Finally, Kathryn spoke again. "What were you playing?" She nodded at his clarinet, still in his hand, and leaned back a little.

Harry blushed, realizing that she might not approve of his recreational bridge activity. "Just a new song…I started improvising a little last night," he saw that she looked genuinely interested so he continued. "I call it 'Echoes of the Void.'"

Kathryn smiled. "Would you play for me?" She twisted again and moved to mirror his earlier position, legs crossed at the ankle and draped across the arm of the chair, resting on the console between them.

"Yes, ma'am," Harry replied softly.

Still blushing, he licked his lips again, drier now than before, and moved the instrument back into playing position. Still on the edge of his seat, he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and began the song.

Kathryn let a silent sigh escape and leaned her head to rest on the back of the chair. She closed her eyes and let each note drift into her ears and reach down to wrap around her heart. Taking a deep breath of her own, her eyes fluttered open and then closed again as a familiar scent entered her nostrils. Chakotay spent more time in this chair than anyone else and even though he was a few decks below, she could smell his earthy scent. Warmth spread through her and she snuggled in contently, smiling to herself.

She realized how unusual the sensation was. It felt like it had been so long since she'd had reason to smile.

Harry's song was soothing and Kathryn's mind began to relax. She thought of Chakotay and wondered what he was doing. Given the hour, he was mostly likely sleeping, and so she wondered what he might be dreaming of. She promised herself that in the morning she would find him and make plans to have dinner and play catch up. He had been bringing her daily reports, of course, but she felt their friendship was slipping. The last time they had spoken she had been so harsh. He was only trying to help…

Opening his eyes slowly, Harry saw the captain sitting so relaxed and was very pleased. He'd never seen her like this before and while he still wondered why she hadn't gone to Chakotay for company, he was glad that he was able to help her in some small way. He smiled inwardly and the tune changed slightly, became more uplifting. As he hit a faster string of notes, slurring up and down an arpeggio, Kathryn open her eyes and met his gaze.

With her contented smile, 'Echoes' came to an end. But Harry kept playing, moving into the familiar strains of 'What a Wonderful World.' Kathryn grinned at him and he nodded slightly, smiling back with his bright eyes.

The moment was broken when the turbolift doors hissed open again, and Tuvok stepped out. Harry abruptly stopped playing and twisted around.

"Commander!"

Both Kathryn and Harry had spoken the word simultaneously but with distinctly different tones.

"Captain, Ensign," Tuvok nodded to each of them in turn, raising an eyebrow at their relaxed postures and wondering at their swap of seats. "I apologize for interrupting."

"Not at all, Tuvok. Ensign Kim was just playing a new piece he composed. I'm quite impressed." Kathryn sat up and placed her feet on the floor again, suddenly struck by a thought. _Why wait 'til morning?_ She would go to Chakotay now, tell him how much she appreciated him, how much she cared about him, and apologize for her attitude since they'd entered this void. Her mind was made up. "Thank you, Harry," she stood and placed her hand on his shoulder, stooping slightly to look him in the eyes. Silent understanding passed between them and they both smiled.

After giving his shoulder a squeeze, Kathryn moved toward the upper level, past Tuvok, and into the turbolift. "Carry on, gentlemen."

Turning back to Harry, Tuvok raised an eyebrow in curiosity. Harry blushed again and shook his head slightly. He found that he could not stop smiling.

"Please, continue, Ensign."

Harry nodded and began to play, once more, with feeling.

--

Kathryn felt the light in her heart intensify as the turbolift deposited her once again on deck three. She made her way down the corridor, her usual crooked smile tugging at one corner of her mouth.

Unfortunately, it was at that moment that the ship's lights went out.


End file.
